(II) The Fable of Motive: Who are the children playing for
A group of children were playing in front of an old man’s house, screaming loudly. A few days passed and the old man couldn't bear it.
So he came out and gave each child 25 cents and said to them, "You make this place very lively. I feel that I am much younger. I would like to express my gratitude for this little money."
The children were very happy and still came the next day, playing as usual. The old man came out again and gave each child 15 cents. He explained that he had no income and could only give less. 15 cents are OK, the child still left happily.
On the third day, the old man only gave each child 5 cents.
The children were furious, "It's only 5 cents a day. Do you know how hard we work!" They swore to the old man that they would never play for him again!
Psychological comments
Who are you "playing" for?
This fable is a deeper answer to the apple tree fable: Why does the apple tree break its meridians? Because it is not "playing" for itself.
There are two types of motivations for people: internal motivation and external motivation. If we act according to internal motivation, we are our own masters. If external motivations drive us, we will be influenced by external factors and become its slaves.
In this fable, the old man's calculation is very simple. He turns the children's internal motivation "play for their own happiness" into external motivation "play for their cents", and he manipulates the external factor of cents, so he also manipulates the children's behavior. Does the old man in the fable look like your boss or boss? And cents, do you think of various external rewards such as your salary, bonus, etc.?
If external evaluations are used as reference coordinates, our emotions are prone to fluctuations. Because we cannot control external factors, it can easily deviate from our internal expectations, make us dissatisfied and complain. Negative emotions such as dissatisfaction and complaints make us suffer. In order to reduce the pain, we have to reduce internal expectations. The most common method is to reduce the level of effort in our work.
The main reason why a person forms an external evaluation system is that his parents like to control him. Parents like to use verbal rewards and punishments, material rewards and punishments to control their children, and ignore their own motivations. Over time, the child forgets his original motivation and cares about external evaluations in everything he does. When he was in school, he forgot the original motivation for learning—curiosity and the joy of learning; after work, he forgot the original motivation for work—the joy of growth. The evaluation of his boss and the ups and downs of his income became the greatest happiness and source of his work.
Remember: External evaluation systems are often a family inheritance, but you can completely break it and cultivate your own internal evaluation system from now on, so that learning and work become "playing for yourself."
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